To Lose
by GirlDressedInBlack
Summary: The Doctor believes the Mistress is ready to be good- he hopes for it dearly as he lets her out of the Tardis with his friends. He trusts that she will return them undamaged. Everything falls apart in the ways he least expected.


The Doctor stands, Bill and Nardole behind him. He stares out at the chaos, eyebrows furrowed.

"Back to the Tardis. Both of you." The Time Lord says without turning his gaze from the woman staring at him. Bill starts to complain until Nardole takes her arm.

"This is something we can't interfere in." The cyborg says softly, "There are some things that only he can deal with." The human makes a sound of distress but relents as the two retreat back to the safety of the Tardis.

"Missy." The Doctor breathes out, expression softening slightly. Her face crumples in response and she falls to her knees, curling in on herself. The Doctor rushes towards her, pulling her into his chest as her shoulders heave.

"No, no no! Missy! Come on- don't do this to me! Breathe, come on. Do it for me. Think of something calming- something calming." He tries to speak slowly, grasping for something that might ground her. She keeps breathing fast, rocking back with each inhale and forwards with each exhale, eyes wide. The Time Lady doesn't seem to be hearing him.

He takes her left hand in both of his, interlacing their fingers and pressing it against his chest. Her fingers tighten, clutching at his shirt as she begins to cry- keens. She fists her other hand in his shirt, head bowing into his chest. He takes his second hand from hers and curls it around her back.

"I'm trying to be good." She sobs between heavy breaths, "I'm trying to be good." She cries as he holds her close, rubbing circles against her back.

"It's okay. I know." He soothes and she quietens a little to listen to his words, "Just listen to me. I believe you." The Time Lady swallows, slowing her movements a little.

"I've got you. You've done it Missy. You've done it." The Doctor says softly, resting his chin on the top of her head. She takes a shuddering breath, sounding more like tears than hyperventilation and the Time Lord smiles a little as he gently slips his hand from Missy's and lays it at the base of her neck, smoothing his fingers over the skin there and combing the loose hairs from her updo.

"I'm trying to be good." The Mistress sobs again.

"It's alright." He says, carefully bringing his hand around to her cheeks and thumbing away the tears. She wraps her arms around him, pulling the fabric taut against his back. He lets his other hand come up to frame her face and wipes the tears there too. He presses a kiss to her head.

"It's alright." He murmurs as she sniffles.

"It's alright." He mumbles, lifting her face to look into her eyes.

"I'm trying to be good." She repeats, swallowing as her eyes well again.

"I'm trying to be. Good." Her voice hitches as she begins to cry in earnest.

"Shh, shh. It's okay." The Doctor hushes her, bundling her up in his arms. The Time Lady only repeats those words, thankfully no longer hyperventilating.

"I've told you it's okay. You've done it, Missy. You've done it." He says softly.

She only gasps in response, breathing hastening again.

"Mistress? Mistress? What is it? Come on- you're going to be okay- Mistress?" The Time Lord takes her shoulders, shaking her slightly but she only retreats into herself.

He catches her eye but she doesn't see him, eyes blown wide and shuddering again.

"Never!" She says sharply, trembling. The word repeats again and again and the Doctor can almost see her trying to form an coherent sentence but her mind is fast, speeding on and distracted. He reads fear and pain and darkness in her rapidly flickering thought process as she breaks down in his arms.

"Never. Never. Never." She gasps, lips peeling away from teeth as she rocks back and forth, pulling him along with her.

Someone laughs- a memory?

"Oh dear. It seems you've broken me." That voice scoffs. The Doctor looks up in horror to where he stands. He sneers, something gleeful in his eyes.

"I mean I thought it wasn't possible but I suppose only your best friends can tear you apart so thoroughly. I am not looking forwards to that." He pouts, considering the two of them.

The Doctor tries to pull Missy up.

"Come on. We have to go. Now. Come on Missy." He begs, fingers gripping tightly at her arms which go limp, falling from him.

"Never. Never. Never." She keeps repeating, trapped in the cycle. The Time Lady slumps to the ground completely.

"Missy." The Doctor hisses desperately.

"Now come on Doctor. She seems to have had quite enough of your attention. Why don't you come here? Talk to me. We haven't seen each other in such a long time." The Master mocks, delight and madness swimming in his eyes. He steps forwards, closer to them both and the Doctor can't help but back away, leaving the Mistress prone between them. He looks at her in distress as she gazes unseeing at the ceiling.

"Never enough." She finally gets out, "I'll never be enough!" She howls, distraught. The Master eyes his future incarnation and nudges her with his shoe. She whimpers, rolling onto her side and taking shaky breaths.

"Wow. You've really done a number on me this time Doctor." He says, arching both eyebrows and whistling. He claps, grinning at the Doctor, "Let's see what we can do about that."

"No!" The Doctor shouts, dashing forwards to try and push himself between the two. He doesn't make it in time and the Master crouches beside his future incarnation, one hand on her shoulder.

"Please don't do this." The Doctor begs but the Master pays him no heed, carefully turning her head to look at him.

"Hey there, love." Says the Time Lord gently, surprisingly softly compared to his usual behaviour. Something in the Mistress' gaze sharpens even as she begins to cry again. Her hand comes up to trace his jawline.

"You're me." She sobs, "I don't want this- please. I don't want to be bad any more. Please don't make me be bad- please!" The Time Lady cries, hand dropping back to the floor. The Master sighs.

"Come on now love. I wouldn't do that. Come now, shh, shh." He soothes. The Mistress seems to listen to him, closing her eyes and nodding slightly.

"O-kay. Okay." She agrees.

"Good girl. That's it. Good girl." He strokes her hair, pulling the pins from it one by one. They plink against the metal floor as he drops them and the Mistress flinches at the sound.

"Please." She begs, looking so young that the Doctor's hearts clench.

"Master." He growls in warning but neither seem to hear him.

"Now." Says the Master, "What has happened to you?" He asks, almost sounding genuine if not for the expression of awe on his face, "You are very broken and although I would like to blame the Doctor- most of it isn't his fault, is it?" His lips part softly and she stares up at him, breathing softly as he keeps stroking his thumb over her cheek.

"Time." She utters, face crumpling once more. The Master pulls her into his arms, propping her up against his thigh.

"No matter how good I am..." She continues, "I won't be able to balance what I have done." The sound of her grief fills the room and the Doctor looks away, hating himself for what he has done. The other Time Lord bends his head closer to hers,

"Hush. Hush love." He says gently, resting his forehead against hers. She opens her eyes, lips trembling.

"It's okay," The Master breathes out, cupping her cheek in his palm, the other supporting her shoulders. He looks into her eyes intently.

"Just kiss me." And she does, arching up to press her open mouth to his, desperate for the validation of contact. Her hands grip tightly at his shirt front. The Doctor stands, fists clenched and eyes averted. He wants to pull her from her previous incarnation's grasp and take her away- to the Tardis- safe.

The Master does not react.

The Mistress pulls away, fingers tightening against his shirt. She bows her head to his chest, trying to choke back her crying.

"You really are so desperate." He utters, tilting her head back to look into her eyes.

He crushes his lips against hers. She parts her lips obediently, eyes closing tightly as he grips her face, tongue moving over hers. Even as he kisses her, as unrelenting as she kisses others, she cries.

The Master pulls away and lays her down again. He blows out a breath, eyebrows arching upwards.

"Well I really wish I didn't have to be you." He says with a grimace, standing again. The Mistress clenches her teeth and rolls over again, wracked by sobbing.

"Why did you do that to her?" The Doctor bites out, finally striding up to the Master. There is only inches between the Mistress and her past incarnation but the Doctor steps into that space regardless. The Master does not step back.

"How could you hurt her so much? She's going to be you! Don't you care about her? Don't you care about yourself?" The Doctor shouts, eyebrows diving down as he glares at his best friend. The Master snorts.

"Oh- shove off. It's not me yet- I presume you've finally got me all locked up in your Tardis with you. Like you always wanted. Is she desperate for you? The Master you always wanted. Clever, docile and good in bed. Finally got all three?" The Doctor just glares as the other Time Lord goes on, "Even I wouldn't have done this to you. I wouldn't have brainwashed the only other person on my level, twisted them until they submit to everything and anything. 'Mistress, fix my Tardis because I'm incompetent.', 'Mistress, play for me.', 'Mistress, be a good girl and go save the world because daddy's busy.'" The Master sneers at his best friend.

"Just lose for once in your bloody life!" He shouts, fists clenched and on the verge of tears. The Doctor cries silently, gaze on the Mistress' face as she lays, crumpled up like their take-away packets.

"I always meant to help." He says solemnly, lips trembling, "I just want to help you see the universe. I just want to help you be happy." The Doctor says slowly, almost managing to keep his voice level. He lays his hands on the Master's shoulders, looking into his eyes.

The Master crumbles at the touch.

"Then kiss me." He asks.

The Doctor does.


End file.
